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Relationship Help Blog 4

 

If You Have Dating Concerns, Relationship Therapy Can Help – Part V

Specializing in Relationship Help

Dating and Relationship Help

If you recently started dating again or are in a new relationship, you may have many questions and concerns about this, but not know who to confide in. A relationship therapist can help you sort out these questions and concerns, and can also help you avoid inadvertently sabotaging the dating process or a fledgling romance.

Relationship Therapy Can Address Questions and Concerns You Have about Dating or a New Relationship

Getting back into dating or starting a romantic involvement can be both exciting and stressful, so people often have quite a few questions and concerns during these times. Here are some examples: “There’s one thing about him (or her) that concerns me, but I’m not sure if that’s a deal breaker or a minor concern.” “I’m wondering if I should wait for him to initiate contact with me, or if I should initiate contact with him since I haven’t heard from him for a few days.” “How much should I tell him (or her) about my past relationships?” “I’m not sure how long to wait before having sex given that I used to rush into relationships in the past and don’t want to do that anymore.” “How soon should I find out if he (or she) wants to have kids?” The list goes on.

Relationship counseling can provide you with a forum to talk through these types of questions and concerns until you reach satisfactory resolutions. A therapist can help you access your true feelings, point out ways that you’re engaging in old behaviors that aren’t serving you, help you integrate conflicting parts of yourself that are preventing you from making a decision, and so forth.

Therapy can help with dating and relationships

Therapy can help with dating and relationships

Relationship Therapy Can Help You Avoid Sabotaging the Dating Process or a New Relationship

Do you try too hard to make a good impression when you go on dates? Do you talk incessantly when you’re on a date due to nervousness? Do you often notice that you’re not being your authentic self during a date or in a new relationship? Do you have some behavior that seems to irk the person you’re dating or have started a relationship with? Do you wonder why your first dates don’t turn into second dates, or why your new romances quickly peter out? These are just a few sample ways that people can inadvertently sabotage the dating process or a recently kindled romantic involvement.

A relationship counselor can help you avoid these pitfalls, or nip these tendencies in the bud if you’ve already started experiencing some of these problems. By openly discussing these behaviors in therapy, you’re likely to gain more insight into them. A therapist can provide you with an unbiased perspective, help you recognize underlying reasons why you engage in these tendencies, and help you shift these behaviors while dating or in your new relationship.

By Cynthia Mansur, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

THE CONTENT PROVIDED IN THIS BLOG IS NOT MEDICAL or THERAPEUTIC ADVICE: This blog is not provided for purposes of consulting, evaluation, treatment, instruction, diagnosis, prognosis or professional services of any kind. The content of this blog does not incorporate discussion of all known therapeutic techniques, and is not intended to apply to any specific individual, specific condition or specific clinical situation. The content of this blog is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified, state-licensed and practicing professional who is providing you with professional services based on a written agreement between you and that professional. All  content in this blog is intended as general information only and is not intended to provide specific advice, including but not limited to medical advice, nor is the content of this blog to be relied upon as such.

If You Have Dating Concerns, Relationship Therapy Can Help – Part IV

Specializing in Relationship Help

Dating and Relationship Help

Do you put off dating again because you’re concerned that you may get into another unhappy relationship? If so, relationship therapy can help you choose your next relationship carefully by shining a light on why you rushed into relationships in the past, and by shifting your focus from immediacy to a long range view of your life.

Relationship Counseling Can Shine a Light on Why You Got Into Relationships Too Quickly in the Past

Understanding why you rushed into your former relationships can help you look before you leap the next time you’re entertaining the idea of getting into a relationship. It’s not easy to be objective about ourselves and our lives, especially when it comes to our oversights. This is where relationship counseling comes in. Therapy offers a supportive atmosphere to candidly explore why you started romantic involvements too hastily in the past.

For instance, were you feeling lonely or bored? Were you drawn by the allure of romance and sex? Did you “settle” for someone because self-esteem issues caused you to feel that this was the best you could do? Were you in a hurry to “settle down” with someone, and possibly start a family as well? Did you not know yourself very well and, as a result, not know what you wanted in a relationship? Did you think your new flame might change for the better? These are some common reasons why people tend to throw care to the winds when it comes to starting a new romance.

Therapy can also help you get to know yourself a lot better so that your next relationship will be a true reflection of who you are. The better you know yourself, the more clarity you’ll have about what you’re looking for in a partner. And when you know what you’re looking for in a partner, you’re more likely to take your time finding the right person.

Dating and Relationship Help

Dating and Relationship Help

Relationship Counseling Can Help You Keep the Big Picture of Your Life in Mind When Choosing Your Next Relationship

A relationship therapist can help you weigh whether rushing into your past relationships was worth it. For example, you may have felt less lonely and bored after starting a relationship, but over time, as you became increasingly unhappy in the relationship, was it really worth the payoff of feeling less lonely and bored? With the help of a therapist, you can figure out your vision for your life so that you avoid getting into another relationship mainly to gratify your immediate needs, and instead keep the long view of your life in mind when choosing a relationship. It’s your life, so why not take the helm instead of finding yourself in one failed relationship after another?

Stay tuned for part V.

By Cynthia Mansur, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

THE CONTENT PROVIDED IN THIS BLOG IS NOT MEDICAL or THERAPEUTIC ADVICE: This blog is not provided for purposes of consulting, evaluation, treatment, instruction, diagnosis, prognosis or professional services of any kind. The content of this blog does not incorporate discussion of all known therapeutic techniques, and is not intended to apply to any specific individual, specific condition or specific clinical situation. The content of this blog is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified, state-licensed and practicing professional who is providing you with professional services based on a written agreement between you and that professional. All  content in this blog is intended as general information only and is not intended to provide specific advice, including but not limited to medical advice, nor is the content of this blog to be relied upon as such.

If You Have Dating Concerns, Relationship Therapy Can Help – Part III

Specializing in Relationship Help

Dating and Relationship Help

Are you hesitant to start dating again because you’ve made poor choices in the past? With the help of relationship therapy, you can avoid making another poor choice by identifying specific ways to avoid rushing into a relationship.

Relationship Counseling Can Help You Identify Specific Ways to Avoid Rushing into a Relationship

In relationship counseling, you and the therapist can discuss and agree on specific ways you’ll avoid rushing into a relationship. For example, maybe you’ll decide to only schedule first dates in public places (such as a coffee shop) during daylight hours, and to meet at that location versus travelling there together. After the first date, you and your counselor can continue to talk about additional ways to avoid rushing into a relationship, e.g., you can discuss when it’s the right time to ask if the other person is looking for a serious relationship, how soon you’ll reveal certain things about yourself, when to start having intimate relations and how to avoid this in the meantime, etc.

You and your therapist can also discuss what you’d like to find out about someone that would make a big difference in determining whether there’s a good match. As you learn more about a person, you can use therapy as a forum to talk about your impressions of him or her. You can also discuss what else you’d like to know about that person and what kinds of experiences you’d like to have with him or her so you can get a better sense of how well-matched you are.

A relationship counselor can help you identify the qualities you’re looking for in a partner, and help you overcome negative self-talk that prevents you from believing that you could find someone like this. With the help of a therapist, you can candidly assess how well someone whom you’re getting to know lines up with the qualities you’d like in a partner. A relationship therapist can also guide you in visualizing what it would be like to end up in another unhappy relationship, and what it would be like to hold out for the right relationship.

Dating and Relationship Counseling

Dating and Relationship Counseling

Go Slow to Go Fast When It Comes to Dating

Perhaps you’ve heard the expression, “Go slow to go fast.” Just as speed limits on the road are designed to help people avoid accidents by giving them more reaction time, moving forward slowly in dating and in starting a relationship can make a big difference in avoiding unhappy relationships. With the help of therapy, you’ll better recognize that by “going quickly” in the past (i.e., rushing into relationships), you’ve actually “gone slowly” (by ultimately wasting months or years and still not having a great relationship). In contrast, if you “go slow to go fast” the next time you date, you’re much more likely to avoid wasting time in the wrong relationship, and find the relationship you were always hoping for.

Stay tuned for part IV.

By Cynthia Mansur, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

THE CONTENT PROVIDED IN THIS BLOG IS NOT MEDICAL or THERAPEUTIC ADVICE: This blog is not provided for purposes of consulting, evaluation, treatment, instruction, diagnosis, prognosis or professional services of any kind. The content of this blog does not incorporate discussion of all known therapeutic techniques, and is not intended to apply to any specific individual, specific condition or specific clinical situation. The content of this blog is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified, state-licensed and practicing professional who is providing you with professional services based on a written agreement between you and that professional. All  content in this blog is intended as general information only and is not intended to provide specific advice, including but not limited to medical advice, nor is the content of this blog to be relied upon as such.

 

If You Have Dating Concerns, Relationship Therapy Can Help – Part II

Specializing in Relationship Help

Dating and Relationship Help

Do you feel some trepidation about dating again because you don’t want to get into another unhappy relationship? If so, relationship therapy can help you be more selective about dating and work through negative feelings you have about past relationships so you can have a great relationship this time around.

Relationship Counseling Can Help You See Red Flags You Overlooked in Past Relationships

A relationship therapist can help you recognize red flags you overlooked early on in past relationships so you can avoid making the same mistakes again. Therapy can also help you understand why you overlooked those red flags. For instance, self-esteem issues may have caused you to believe that you couldn’t be choosy about whom you dated. Or maybe you were impatient to start a relationship again because of loneliness, the allure of romance and sex, or because you wanted to settle down and have a family soon. Or perhaps you convinced yourself that the person you were dating might change for the better.

Understanding why you overlooked warning signs early on in past relationships can help you pay more attention to potential red flags when you start dating again. This will increase your chances of finding the right relationship. A relationship therapist can help you look candidly at your past relationship choices without being hard on yourself for making those choices.

Relationship Therapy Can Help You Consolidate Key Lessons from Your Past Relationships

The more you learn from your past relationships, the more likely you are to create the relationship of your dreams. So painful lessons from your past relationships are actually a gift if you take those lessons to heart. In other words, there’s a lot of truth in the expression, “No pain, no gain.” However, I find that clients often have difficulty recognizing lessons from their past relationships and applying those lessons to dating again, so relationship counseling can be very helpful in this regard.  The more motivated you are to avoid the wrong relationships going forward, the more likely you are to succeed in finding the right relationship.

Process Your Past Relationship “Baggage” With the Help of Relationship Counseling

A relationship counselor can also support you in processing negative feelings about your past relationships. Otherwise, these negative feelings are likely to color the way you look at dating and your next relationship. Sometimes people even ruin a relationship because of negative feelings they have about a previous relationship. So working through these feelings is really important.

Relationship counseling for couples

Dating and Relationship Therapy

Knowledge is Power

Knowledge is power, so gaining these perspectives on your past relationships can be very empowering because you’ll probably be more selective when you date again, and your next relationship is less likely to be impacted by relationship “baggage” you carry from the past.

Stay tuned for part III.

 

By Cynthia Mansur, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

THE CONTENT PROVIDED IN THIS BLOG IS NOT MEDICAL or THERAPEUTIC ADVICE: This blog is not provided for purposes of consulting, evaluation, treatment, instruction, diagnosis, prognosis or professional services of any kind. The content of this blog does not incorporate discussion of all known therapeutic techniques, and is not intended to apply to any specific individual, specific condition or specific clinical situation. The content of this blog is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified, state-licensed and practicing professional who is providing you with professional services based on a written agreement between you and that professional. All  content in this blog is intended as general information only and is not intended to provide specific advice, including but not limited to medical advice, nor is the content of this blog to be relied upon as such.

 

If You Have Dating Concerns, Relationship Therapy Can Help-Part I

Specializing in Relationship Help

Dating and Relationship Help

Relationship counseling isn’t just for couples. It’s also for individuals who want support and guidance regarding dating. People often feel unconfident when they consider getting back into dating. Some feel self-conscious for a variety of reasons. Others worry that they’ll end up with the wrong partner again, or make the same mistakes they made in past relationships. The good news is that getting back into dating can be an easeful and enjoyable experience with the help of relationship therapy.

It’s Natural To Have Mixed Feelings About Dating

Perhaps you feel unconfident about dating again because your previous relationships didn’t go well or you think you have a “tragic flaw.” Perhaps you haven’t dated for a while, worry that it may be too late to find a new partner, or have very little experience with dating. Or maybe you struggle with a lack of self-confidence in general, so the thought of dating again feels pretty scary.

Do any of these scenarios describe you? If so, you may be feeling torn between wanting to be in a relationship and feeling wary of dating again. This is a tough spot to be in. To make matters worse, well-meaning friends and family members may be pressuring you to start dating again, and you may feel that time is running out to find a life partner, and possibly to start a family.

Relationship Therapy Can Help You Feel More Confident About Dating 

Fortunately, relationship counseling can help you feel more confident about dating again in a number of ways. For example, you can discuss why you’re feeling unconfident about dating and work through each of those concerns with a therapist. A relationship counselor can also help you prepare for potential dating situations you feel nervous about by talking through possible ways to handle those situations and teaching you ways to reduce your nervousness. And, if you’re interested, you and the therapist can set up an accountability system to support you in taking small steps towards dating again.

Dating and Relationship Therapy

Dating and Relationship Therapy

Relationship therapy is also an opportunity to look at the impact that your past relationships and your past in general have had on your self-confidence. Knowledge is power, so it’s helpful to understand how your self-confidence has been undermined. With the guidance of a therapist, you will better recognize negative messages that have shaped your beliefs about yourself. That way, you can make conscious choices about how you’d like to think of yourself going forward.

A counselor can help you focus on your strengths and look for exceptions to your negative beliefs about yourself. A therapist can also use assessment tools to determine which aspects of your self-confidence to focus on in therapy.

This process can be truly amazing. Many clients in my therapy practice who initially felt unconfident about dating again experienced a profound shift that allowed them to approach dating with much greater confidence and actually enjoy dating.

Stay tuned for Part II.

By Cynthia Mansur, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

THE CONTENT PROVIDED IN THIS BLOG IS NOT MEDICAL or THERAPEUTIC ADVICE: This blog is not provided for purposes of consulting, evaluation, treatment, instruction, diagnosis, prognosis or professional services of any kind. The content of this blog does not incorporate discussion of all known therapeutic techniques, and is not intended to apply to any specific individual, specific condition or specific clinical situation. The content of this blog is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified, state-licensed and practicing professional who is providing you with professional services based on a written agreement between you and that professional. All  content in this blog is intended as general information only and is not intended to provide specific advice, including but not limited to medical advice, nor is the content of this blog to be relied upon as such.

Are You Tired of Relationship Pain?

Specializing in Relationship Help

Are you experiencing relationship pain because of an unhappy breakup, problems in your relationship, or because you haven’t found a life partner and want to start a family? 

Relationship pain can color one’s entire outlook on life. However, I truly believe that a healthy relationship is within your reach, so the purpose of this blog is to help you transform your current relationship, or create and sustain the relationship you deserve.

Why I Started Providing Relationship Help to Others

I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with extensive experience in intimate relationships. I am happily married, and because of my personal journey in life, am committed to helping people have more fulfilling relationships.

The relationship pain I experienced in the past is what led me to become a therapist. At some point during my first marriage, I realized that I had married the WRONG person. This was not a happy realization. Nor were the arguments, the dissolution of the marriage, and the disruption that ensued for years afterwards.

You might think that I learned from that mistake, but, on the contrary, I eventually found myself in a relationship once again with, you guessed it, the WRONG person. Even though this relationship wasn’t right for me, I remained stuck in it for three years.

However, with the help of therapy, I became aware of many red flags I had overlooked before getting into that relationship. I also discovered why I had overlooked those red flags and remained in the wrong relationship for so long. Armed with those insights, I became increasingly unwilling to put up with an unhappy relationship, and finally got out.

When I left that relationship, a mentor encouraged me to “interview carefully” before entering another relationship, and I took those words to heart. I decided that no relationship would be better than another wrong relationship, so I proceeded with care. One day, my current husband and I started dating. Somehow, I knew from the start that I was finally with the RIGHT person.

But the story doesn’t end there. After the ‘honeymoon phase” of our relationship, we started to experience some painful conflicts. It was really unbearable since it seemed like we were meant for each other. But we couldn’t figure out how to avoid the conflicts.

So we started seeing a couple’s counselor, and things gradually started to improve.  After a while, conflicts rarely happened, and when they did, they were minor and easily repaired. We’ve had an incredible relationship since then, so I consider myself very fortunate.

Stay Tuned

Help was there when I was struggling with relationships, so I’m happy that I can offer help to those encountering similar problems. I look forward to helping you move away from relationship pain and to staying connected with you through this blog. Hopefully, I can save you time and needless suffering by sharing what I’ve learned personally and professionally about relationships.

By Cynthia Mansur, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist                                             

THE CONTENT PROVIDED IN THIS BLOG IS NOT MEDICAL or THERAPEUTIC ADVICE: This blog is not provided for purposes of consulting, evaluation, treatment, instruction, diagnosis, prognosis or professional services of any kind. The content of this blog does not incorporate discussion of all known therapeutic techniques, and is not intended to apply to any specific individual, specific condition or specific clinical situation. The content of this blog is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified, state-licensed and practicing professional who is providing you with professional services based on a written agreement between you and that professional. All  content in this blog is intended as general information only and is not intended to provide specific advice, including but not limited to medical advice, nor is the content of this blog to be relied upon as such.

                                                                                         

 

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