An affair can easily shatter the structural integrity of a relationship. If you have decided that your relationship is worth saving, there's a good chance that you're going to need some help working through the sense of betrayal and loss that the hurt partner may be feeling right now. And the unfaithful partner may also have issues they need to address in order to re-build the relationship.
Infidelity counseling can help. The goal will be to tackle underlying problems in the relationship that may have caused the infidelity while also mending the bridges of communication, trust, and intimacy.
Why Are People Unfaithful to the One They Love?
Infidelity can happen even when everything seemed to be going right in a relationship, even if you and your spouse were still intimate right up until the affair was discovered, and even if you were communicating well.
When a partner is unfaithful, they may have been seeking attention and admiration. For some, the allure may have been about indulging curiosity or having someone to confide in. They may have thrived on the energy of the new relationship. They may have even thrived on the drama of keeping an affair hidden. All of these things may have ultimately served to mask painful feelings that led to an affair.
It's important to recognize that love for someone else may not have been the cause of the affair.
Can a Relationship Go Back to Normal After an Affair?
If both members of the couple wholeheartedly want to keep the relationship alive, then it is very possible that it'll gradually return to normal. Up to 75% of relationships can be restored after an affair.
Restoration will require a great deal of communication and commitment. That's where counseling can play an important role. It won't be easy for the unfaithful partner to hear how the affair is affecting their loved one. It won't be easy for the faithful spouse to heal from a major breach of trust. Couples therapy can make both tasks easier, and can facilitate productive dialogs regarding this highly-charged topic.
How Does Infidelity Counseling Work?
My approach is tailored to the particular couple in distress. We'll work towards healing the relationship and re-building trust while simultaneously identifying what led to the affair and what can be done going forward to ensure that the relationship is on solid footing.
Counseling creates a safe space for thoughts and feelings to be expressed, and a framework for learning new skills that can keep the relationship healthy in the future.
If you'd like to explore whether I'm the right counselor to help your relationship regain its balance after infidelity has occurred, I'm happy to provide a 15-minute phone consultation at no charge.